Baptize the Grey

Morning light, cold feet, shivered shoulders.

Tile.

Grey with wet edges beyond the pane.

Here. Now, As the coffee pot gets warm and baptizes the beans, I wonder.

I wonder at grace and how I can be so ungrateful.
I wonder at regret and how I’ve quit so many things and people.
I wonder at hope and if bread and wine are for me.
I wonder about my brother and why I can’t sit across from him at breakfast.

Coffee done. Eggs sizzling.

First drop. Second sip.

Socks sound like too much work.
My room is as frazzled as my head.

Can new things come? Can a new thing come?

Grey morning still and blue is not yet broken.

I wonder at church and why it feels like a production.
I wonder at voices and why we hide so much of ourselves.
I wonder at my sister and smile that her wedding is soon.
I wonder at my soon to be brother in law making coffee better than mine.

7:50. Read a Psalm. Pray without words. Wonder if heaven is real. Wonder if redemption is possible.

Resurrection. Miracle.

Miracles must still happen – I think. Hopeful.

Shower and I’m wishing the day could be as warm.
Texts and I feel some of that warmth.
Sharing back and forth. Can’t share a table but can share our thoughts.

Wednesday, baptize me with gratitude because the blood was enough.

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