I wake to the attic fan buzzing, windows thrown wide open and the air conditioner monitor reading “system off”. The cool breeze while I sit on my porch is the first indication of one season ending and another coming in its place. As I dive into my daily reading the thin pages flip back and forth. Although the cool and powerful gusts make the reading difficult I find myself grinning. I grin because this is the first time such a morning has come in months. I grin because I love fall. I also love summer.
As fall starts to edge its way in summer seems to reluctantly realize its shining, flashing moments are coming to an end. Summer is a jealous season. Its departure is spotty. August becomes the battle field for fall and summer. Fall is victorious some days and summer takes the trophy home on others. Some days they shake hands and agree on a compromise. Summer will take part of the day until fall shows up tapping its watch, anxiously reminding summer its time is up.
I enjoy the battle that the two divulge in each year. My heart seems to have the same battle. The long sunny days are magnificent and care free. Weekends are filled with days at the lake and long naps in the sand. Days are long and nights are short. Summer is filled with adventure and excitement. Summer is a flashy season and each year it manages to steal my heart. However, once the signs of fall begin to drift in the air, my heart starts to cheat on summer. I am filled with the hope of playing soccer, of running in cooler weather, of college life. The feeling of putting jeans on for the first time in months. The long walks without the need of a longer dip in the pool. The coffee visits to keep warm on a cool night. Soon I will be walking up and down the streets of Holland watching the different people that fall brings with him. I start to distance myself from summer and the relationship is strained but not forgotten.
Just like the battle between summer and fall my heart seems to be spotty at first. I don’t fully trust in fall yet. I am scared and so is fall. Summer has been such a faithful friend, and at times more. However, memories of last fall push me to trust in the season again. I begin to fall in love and summer is full of jealousy as its foe wins another heart.
I am thankful for the seasons. It physically represents what so often our hearts are battling with. The shift in weather many times goes hand in hand with our changing environments, circumstances and feelings. Perhaps this relationship will change when I finish school. However, I will not know for another six years.
These seasons, these changing circumstances, these are the relationships that will always follow us. Giving in to another season of life while letting go of another. Letting go but not forgetting. Loving another season for it is the present. Perhaps it is not so much love as it acceptance. Some seasons are easier to accept than others, and some are harder to let go. Life is full of seasons, although, they are not under the same constraints of nature. I find this hard but beautiful. Sometimes winter lets spring follow other times winter follows winter and in the same way summer may give way to yet another summer. However, today fall is beginning to creep in and edge summer out. Today my heart is beginning to remember and trust.